THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID

I do not know the reason. My wife believes my hearing is going bad. I believe she did not tell me what she wanted to tell me. She is so used to talking to the dog, I think she may tell him and think she told me. She may have told my son and thought she had told me, too. It cannot possibly be my fault. I may be getting a little older, but I am certain that I pay as much attention to what she says as when we were dating.

Whatever the reason is, I am currently hearing my wife tell me that she already told me something. If I heard what she said and repeated it back to her, she would tell me, “That is not what I said.”

I know we are not the only people where miscommunication is a daily part of life. People are always misunderstanding what others say or just not paying attention at all. The biggest problem does not even appear to be a lack of listening as much as it is hearing what you want to hear.

It is like your wife saying, “We need dinner, go to the store and buy some chicken.” Some people will hear that we need food tonight and bring ice cream home without the chicken. (Yes, I have witnessed an example of this.)

This week a politician gave a speech expressing her opinion. The speech was over eight hours long. Some heard this and thought this person must have been doing a great thing. I, on the other hand, heard that someone wasted eight hours of his or her life that no one listening will ever get back.

When I worked in retail and arrived at work, my bosses would tell me that a certain section may need a little extra help by saying, “There’s an opportunity.” All I heard was that customers had destroyed my area.

The interpretation changes the outlook.

The same thing goes with the Bible. We hear what we want to hear. People say the truth will set you free, but they leave out the part of knowing the truth. Truth cannot set you free unless you know what that truth is. Some people hear this and then begin to search for the truth. They forget to read the context of the verse that says if you hold onto the teaching of Jesus, you will know the truth.

Some people also hear that money is evil. However, the Bible does not say that. It says the love of money is the root of all evil. That is a completely different thought. It would not make sense for God to make certain people rich, like Isaac in Genesis 26:13, if money were evil.

These are just two instances but trust me when I say there are many more.

We need to put aside what we want to hear and begin to listen to what people say. Every argument has two sides, but there is only one version of the story that is correct. This is because we choose to filter out what we do not want to hear.  

Become a listener. Hear what people say, and they will not tell you, “That is not what I said.” 

THE RIGHT CONSISTENCY

Even before getting married, I had taken several classes on raising children. The one thing that stuck with me over the years is that as a parent, you must be consistent. If you do not allow a certain behavior today, do not allow it tomorrow. If you are not consistent, the child becomes confused as to what is acceptable and often creates unwanted situations for the parent.

As a sports fan, I see inconsistency in some of my favorite teams. The New Orleans Saints, for example, have proven statistically that they win more often when running the ball. However, they consistently throw the ball more often. In fact, in the last two weeks they have thrown the ball 85 times and only run 28 times. Both of these games were losses.

Some businesses do things because “it has always been done that way.” You can sometimes change the way you do something while being consistent to the principles you have established over time.

Sometimes programs are no longer working yet we decide to keep them running. I heard someone once say, “If the horse you are riding dies, get off the horse.” This does not mean to fire everyone or scrap every procedure. Sometimes, it does. Sometimes, we need to make only a small change. Sometimes people are more efficient doing other tasks. Maybe there is miscommunication on the focus that needs to be resolved.  Maybe additional and updated training can help.

Not everyone is the same. Nor is every situation the same. Sometimes we just need to take a step back and ask a few questions.  Where are we now? Where do we want to go? How do we get there effectively?

We must consistently examine ourselves to make sure we are doing what works. We must consistently focus on the goal. We must remain consistent in doing the right things, the things get us there and continue to be consistent in the principles upon which you stand.

If you are doing the right things, then continue to do them. If things are consistently not working out, maybe you just need to find the right consistency.

Change is not bad unless you are changing just because everyone else is doing something different. Change what is not working but keep what is. If you want to be a leader, then do not do what everyone else is doing. Do something different or do something better.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When America Will Succeed

Today my wife and I celebrate our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary. I love my wife. I am incomplete without her. We balance each other out quite well.

Over the years, we have been through a lot together. We have seen our house destroyed by hurricane and flood. We have experienced hardships. We have endured arguments and disagreements. We have outlasted illness.

We have very little in common in our likes and dislikes. Our tastes in movies and music are quite different. We approach things in different ways. We do have a few things we have in common. We love God, family, and our time together. There are a few more things, but overall, we are quite the opposite of each other. People say that birds of a feather flock together, but they also say opposites attract. We fit in the latter group.

Overall, our marriage is a success.

America just had one of the most divisive elections in our country’s history. Rather than cover issues, we saw personal attacks most of the time. Personal attacks are not new to our political world, but this election appeared over-the-top in our modern era.

Scandals, lies, misinformation and personal attacks on character came from everywhere. Not only did candidates participate in this ridiculous election, but voters did also, as well. Social media bashing attacked not just candidates but their supporters. Friends lost friends. People did not hold back their intolerance for opposing views. America became increasingly fragmented over the course of the election.

So now the election is over. One candidate won making some proclaim America will be saved. Others cry that we are doomed. This happens every four years. We made it through every previous president whether good or bad. We will survive through this one, regardless of what happens.

One thing that I know is communication in marriage is important. If you disagree, it is okay to say so. Expressing your opinion or concerns is important so that the other person understands where you stand. Attacking the other is unacceptable and creates bitterness and conflict. Compromises must be made. Marriage is not about just the husband or just the wife. It is about both working together for the betterment of the marriage.

My wife and I compromise quite often, but not our principles. It starts off with simple things like going to bring her to get sushi. (Yuck). She will go to see a movie for me with an incredible amount of blood shed, though she watches with her eyes closed.

Doing things to help each other is part of what makes our marriage a success. The little things matter, sometimes more than the big things.

Partisan politics needs to end. If we want America to succeed, we need to understand other views. We don’t need to agree with them, but we cannot ignore them either. Everyone in this country matters. We need to work with the other side of the aisle and do the things that will help everyone as a whole.

If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. As a nation, we are better together. Diversity, not just of culture but also of ideas, makes us great as long as we stand united. We need to work together and move forward. Like marriage, we can overcome a lot if we quit focusing on just ourselves.