The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” At least, that is how the song goes. Usually, the holiday season is full of excitement and anticipation. The end of the years brings us Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve. In my immediate family, it also brings three birthdays and two wedding anniversaries. This year also brought a college graduation. It is normally a great ending to the year. The season is full of good times, but it also has its issues. This year has had its share of the good, bad and ugly.

THE GOOD: Getting to celebrate anything with family is a wonderful time for me. I love my immediate family and my extended family. Not everyone can say that! We celebrate the holidays when our schedules will allow. Celebrating Christmas/Thanksgiving on a weekend before the actual holiday does not take away from the season for me. It is not about the food, the gifts, or the traveling. It is about being together.

THE BAD:  We can always find something about which to complain. While shopping, people shopping can be rude. Traffic becomes a problem. Stress can get to elevated levels. Waiting until the last minute to shop and not being able to get the one gift that would make the holiday better for someone can leave us feeling unaccomplished. We must take the bad with the good. The bad makes the good seem even better. Try to remain calm in any situation. Remember that everyone else around you are trying to accomplish the same thing as you. Treat others, as you want to be treated.

THE UGLY: This year’s Christmas week was not great.  Four days before Christmas, my dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Four days later, my stepmom had a major stroke. The holidays brought many tears. My dad was my hero. I loved him dearly. He was funny, smart, always prepared, generous and loving. He was a great man and a better dad. We cry not for the dead, but because we will miss him.

The good that comes from the ugly is that you find out that people really do care about you.

Life does not end. Death is just a part of life. Life continues. The day that my dad died, a baby was born to someone I know from work. The new baby, Claire will never replace my dad. I may never meet her. However, we will remember his life story. Her story is just beginning.

Let us continue to look to the future. Do not be stuck in the past. Celebrate what you have. Remember what matters. Focus on the good even in the ugly times.

May you all have a Happy New Year!

#FAKENEWS

First of all, I am not a big fan of hashtags, but the title above seems to be the big outcry since the 2016 Presidential election. Fake news has spread so quickly that it is out of control.

I remember a time when people did not believe everything they read, especially before the internet came. You would hear something and verify what you heard through various sources. Sources that were considered reliable back when I was a kid could be the encyclopedia, someone that had firsthand knowledge of the subject, or a newspaper article.

We also had some less reliable sources, like some of the tabloids. The Globe or the National Enquirer are read by many while waiting to checkout their groceries at the supermarket. The article headlines capture your attention sometimes seemingly unreal. Most people laugh at the articles as ridiculous while others soak up every word taking it for truth. My grandma loved the National Enquirer.

Now we have the internet which everyone is told “don’t believe everything on the internet.” Yet for some reason, many people believe everything they read on the internet. That is, unless the article goes against their ideals, then they believe it is unreal.

There are many satirical news sites, which can be read with a good laugh, but never taken seriously. We have political sites that are obviously one-sided, yet these are the ones that seem to gain the most attention. People sharing lies that are told without checking a single fact.

Whatever happened to verifying truth before sharing with others or even just believing it ourselves? There are even websites that help with exposing lies, but even some of these have demonstrated political leanings and must be taken with a grain of salt.

Now social media outlets, like Facebook, want to label pages that they consider to be unreliable as “Fake News.” While on the surface that seems like a good idea to break the chain of bad information, who decides what is not real? If a person in charge has strong political leanings, they may deem all opposing factual stories as fake news.

Responsibility must lie with the reader; sources must be checked. When you say “don’t believe everything you read” live according to your own words.

In the Bible, there were Berean Jews that listened to the Apostle Paul preach, but did not believe anything he said until they verified it themselves through studying the scriptures. (Acts 17:11) Why can’t we have the same desire to know the truth, even if it opposes our current thinking?

Over the years, I have changed my opinions on some things after verifying the facts. Facts are real. Opinions are not always correct. Perception is not always reality, though it is often said that it is. Don’t get caught believing lies. Don’t wait for someone else to tell you what is true. Seek the truth. The truth will not set you free unless you know the truth.

THE RIGHT CONSISTENCY

Even before getting married, I had taken several classes on raising children. The one thing that stuck with me over the years is that as a parent, you must be consistent. If you do not allow a certain behavior today, do not allow it tomorrow. If you are not consistent, the child becomes confused as to what is acceptable and often creates unwanted situations for the parent.

As a sports fan, I see inconsistency in some of my favorite teams. The New Orleans Saints, for example, have proven statistically that they win more often when running the ball. However, they consistently throw the ball more often. In fact, in the last two weeks they have thrown the ball 85 times and only run 28 times. Both of these games were losses.

Some businesses do things because “it has always been done that way.” You can sometimes change the way you do something while being consistent to the principles you have established over time.

Sometimes programs are no longer working yet we decide to keep them running. I heard someone once say, “If the horse you are riding dies, get off the horse.” This does not mean to fire everyone or scrap every procedure. Sometimes, it does. Sometimes, we need to make only a small change. Sometimes people are more efficient doing other tasks. Maybe there is miscommunication on the focus that needs to be resolved.  Maybe additional and updated training can help.

Not everyone is the same. Nor is every situation the same. Sometimes we just need to take a step back and ask a few questions.  Where are we now? Where do we want to go? How do we get there effectively?

We must consistently examine ourselves to make sure we are doing what works. We must consistently focus on the goal. We must remain consistent in doing the right things, the things get us there and continue to be consistent in the principles upon which you stand.

If you are doing the right things, then continue to do them. If things are consistently not working out, maybe you just need to find the right consistency.

Change is not bad unless you are changing just because everyone else is doing something different. Change what is not working but keep what is. If you want to be a leader, then do not do what everyone else is doing. Do something different or do something better.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bah Humbug and Jingle Bells

It is the most wonderful time of the year. People seem to be in a holly jolly mood. Some are dreaming of a white Christmas. Some focus on the spirit of giving with baking and shopping for loved ones. Some like the weather while building snowmen and making snow angels. (People can only dream about these in the heat where I live.) Some are planning Christmas menus to share meals with their extended families. Some are volunteering to help those less fortunate themselves. Some are decorating their homes. 

Over the years, my mood during December has swung from one extreme to the other and back to somewhere in the middle. Some years, I despised Christmas for the commercialism that starts in October; the greed of people focused more on getting than giving, and the overextension of my budget. In other years, I toss all cynicism aside and go all out on decorating the tree, watching Christmas movies, listening to Christmas music on the radio, and focus on giving the best I can to the ones I love.

This year, I find myself somewhere in the middle. I was excited to put up my Christmas village and had it up in just a couple of hours. Then I put up the tree. The tree has been up for over a week, and I finally put lights on it yesterday. As of writing this, it still only has lights on it. My wife and I have completed most of our Christmas shopping, mostly thanks to her. I take off most of December from one job but work more hours at my second one.

I am not sure why my December moods change so frequently. To tell the truth, the reason does not matter. I love my family and my friends. I love seeing them happy and smiling. My coworkers make working during the holidays better. Like my family and friends, they can put a smile on my face.

People matter.

It is because of this that I do not want to lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas. It is not just the spirit of giving. Some may not believe this, but I do. The meaning is specifically about what God has given to us. He wants us to have a relationship with Him just as I want with those I love. The thing he gave us was His son, Jesus, to take care of the business that we ourselves cannot do. That business is to pay for our sins by being born into this world, dying, and resurrecting so that we may live with Him. Sin kept us away, but “if you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Christmas is about God’s love for us. Let us celebrate by returning that love to Him and to those around us. 

BLACK THANKSGIVING

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. It is a time to get together with family and enjoy a delicious meal together. I love eating the turkey, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and many more things. Most of the time, the men would wash the dishes. I believe this was to express their appreciation for the meals the women had prepared (at least that is my recollection.) Living in the south, the weather normally allowed us to play outside in shorts. I even remembered playing volleyball with some of the older family members.

Thanksgiving is a day when we should think about all the things for which we are thankful. Some are thankful for family. Some are thankful for their health or their jobs. Some are thankful that they have enough to feed themselves and maybe a few others.

Some people even spend time on Thanksgiving helping to feed others. I remember years ago separating food baskets by areas and including maps so that willing drivers could bring them to those in need.

Following Thanksgiving is Black Friday. It is a day when many retailers have big sales and millions of people shopping for the perfect deal. I do not recall ever participating in Black Friday; though it is possible, my parents left home me to play. I probably got the better end of that deal.

Black Friday got its name in the 1950’s in Philadelphia because of shoppers and tourists flooded the city prior to the night’s Army-Navy game held annually on that Friday. Police would not be able to take off and would work extended hours to try to control the crowds and the traffic. In the late 1980’s Black Friday was reinvented by retailers to make it appear more positive, and it has become more widespread over our nation. It is supposedly the day when stores finally make a profit.

Slowly, but surely, retailers have let greed creep into the holiday. No longer does Black Friday happen on Friday. It begins on Thanksgiving (Thursday). What once used to be a holiday of thanks turns quickly into a day many retail-workers dread. Some never get to see their families on this day.

One thing that I am thankful for is the retail job that I have.  It is a second job, but it helps me to pay the bills, and I enjoy many of the people with which I work and the experience of Black Friday itself.

I understand that first responders and utility workers (my other job) have to work on holidays in case of emergencies. However, I would love to see retail workers that are not saving anyone’s life be able to celebrate the full national holiday of Thanksgiving to be with family. Even if the stores opened at midnight, the employees could enjoy a non-rushed Thanksgiving meal with the ones they love.

I have much for which I am thankful. I am now fifty years old. This has been my fourth Black Friday to work. I do not shop on these days, but I am thankful for the ones that take a moment to thank me for being there so they can save money. I wish everyone showed appreciation rather than treating others like you owe them.

Remember when you shop this year to enjoy the moment, but also to treat everyone with kindness.

When America Will Succeed

Today my wife and I celebrate our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary. I love my wife. I am incomplete without her. We balance each other out quite well.

Over the years, we have been through a lot together. We have seen our house destroyed by hurricane and flood. We have experienced hardships. We have endured arguments and disagreements. We have outlasted illness.

We have very little in common in our likes and dislikes. Our tastes in movies and music are quite different. We approach things in different ways. We do have a few things we have in common. We love God, family, and our time together. There are a few more things, but overall, we are quite the opposite of each other. People say that birds of a feather flock together, but they also say opposites attract. We fit in the latter group.

Overall, our marriage is a success.

America just had one of the most divisive elections in our country’s history. Rather than cover issues, we saw personal attacks most of the time. Personal attacks are not new to our political world, but this election appeared over-the-top in our modern era.

Scandals, lies, misinformation and personal attacks on character came from everywhere. Not only did candidates participate in this ridiculous election, but voters did also, as well. Social media bashing attacked not just candidates but their supporters. Friends lost friends. People did not hold back their intolerance for opposing views. America became increasingly fragmented over the course of the election.

So now the election is over. One candidate won making some proclaim America will be saved. Others cry that we are doomed. This happens every four years. We made it through every previous president whether good or bad. We will survive through this one, regardless of what happens.

One thing that I know is communication in marriage is important. If you disagree, it is okay to say so. Expressing your opinion or concerns is important so that the other person understands where you stand. Attacking the other is unacceptable and creates bitterness and conflict. Compromises must be made. Marriage is not about just the husband or just the wife. It is about both working together for the betterment of the marriage.

My wife and I compromise quite often, but not our principles. It starts off with simple things like going to bring her to get sushi. (Yuck). She will go to see a movie for me with an incredible amount of blood shed, though she watches with her eyes closed.

Doing things to help each other is part of what makes our marriage a success. The little things matter, sometimes more than the big things.

Partisan politics needs to end. If we want America to succeed, we need to understand other views. We don’t need to agree with them, but we cannot ignore them either. Everyone in this country matters. We need to work with the other side of the aisle and do the things that will help everyone as a whole.

If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. As a nation, we are better together. Diversity, not just of culture but also of ideas, makes us great as long as we stand united. We need to work together and move forward. Like marriage, we can overcome a lot if we quit focusing on just ourselves.

A GLASS HALF FULL

I am a natural born skeptic. I do not believe everything people tell me. People quote fiction as if it were fact. I do not believe what I believe blindly. I research and study, sometimes a little sometime a great deal. When proven wrong, I have changed my beliefs based on facts and research.

I also like to look at things from an open point of view. I will debate a point, even if I agree with you, to see if I you can strengthen my viewpoint or to see a weakness in my opinion. (This drives my wife crazy.)

My outlooks are often different from those around me. Those who think they know me would often be surprised. However, I am not bashful about my beliefs. If you want to know, ask.

This week has been a demonstration of reactions to things that have happened in this world. Election results stirred protests, riots and a call for rule changes by those that do not like the outcome. NFL Football games brought the question on the radio, “should this rule be changed?” Racism has again brought the worst in people from more than one culture.

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Some people will see everything happening in a pessimistic way. To me, the glass is half-full.

I am not blind to the things that are happening. I also do not think the world is doomed. The world may have some negative things in it. It also has some wonderful things taking place.

Approximately 75,000 people were born in the United States last week.  Some will question kind of world awaits them. I prefer to think that many of these will be great success stories and others may bring something positive to this world.

Some people complain about how much money actors and musicians make or with what kind of role models they are.  I prefer to look at what some do with their fame.  Last week, Metallica collected nine tons of food for malnourished children In Colombia.

Some people dwell on the problem of sickness and disease, while a 12-year-old boy learned to sew and has made about 800 teddy bears to give to the sick children in the Royal Hobart Hospital in Australia to bring Joy.

Sure, there are many messed up things in the world. You alone control how you think and what you believe. What will be your mindset? Will you complain about everything? Will you lose hope? Do not dwell on negativity. Be part of a positive solution. You cannot do everything, but you can add something positive to someone’s life or to the world in general.

Do not ignore the facts but look at them is a positive way. You may even begin to see the half-filled glass as an opportunity. Life is great if you make it that way. It all begins with your attitude. 

Random Birthday Thoughts

This Thursday, November 10, I get to celebrate my fiftieth birthday. I love my birthdays. People will say I am getting older, but to me age does not matter. After all, it is only half a century. (If you made fifty before I did, I will probably call you old.”  I love this quote, “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”

People fear birthdays especially the big ones. Age, however, is just a number. I know people much younger than me that are in much worse shape than me. I also know others much older than me that are in much better shape.  Sometimes my mind and my body are not in agreement with what I can do, but life continues and I make adjustments.

I was celebrating my third birthday on the day Sesame Street had their debut. I loved growing up watching the adventures of Grover, Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch. Now I get to watch my G-Baby enjoy watching Elmo.

It is nice to have some things remain the same. It is also nice to have some things change. 

Since I was born, many inventions have helped us live differently if not better. The ATM helped me many times when needing cash after hours.  Cell phones make it easier to keep in touch. GPS tries to get me to the right location. The internet has granted us access to more information than we ever thought possible. Some of it is reliable. Fax machines, DVDs, and MRIs, video game, and even Post-It-Notes, have changed our way of life. I have learned that things can be fun or important, but people are more important. Let us get our priorities in proper perspective.

I have seen friends come, and I have seen friends go. I have seen people change for the better and some for the worse. Keep in touch with your friends and make new ones. I have had friends in their seventies and now have friends in their early twenties. Do not let age be a barrier to who you have in your circle. Everyone has something to offer. Add something positive to you friends.

Things do not always go according to plan. As I get older, I have learned to improvise, adapt, and overcome. This is a mantra sometimes used by the Marine Corps, with which I share my birthday. They, of course, were established a mere 241 years before I was. No, I was never a Marine, but I am thankful we have them.

I have been to many funerals over the years. They are sad events. As I get older, I have thought about what I want at my funeral. I want people to laugh. I want them to enjoy themselves as they remember me. I want a pizza buffet and an ice cream sundae buffet for people to enjoy. My wife drew the line when I said I wanted a clown. Maybe that would be a bit much.

My message for you today: Life is too short. Enjoy it while you can. Make a difference. Keep priorities straight.

TRUTH OR DARE

Some people enjoy games, such as truth or dare. Some do not mind answering questions like “What is your biggest fear in a relationship?” Others love the adventurous nature of the “dare” side of the game, like calling up your crush and declaring your love for him/her.

I am not a fan of this game. The reason is simple. I do not trust people enough to let the warped minds of others dictate what I do. My mind can come up with enough things for me to do to get into trouble.

As far as truth is concerned, if you were worried about letting your skeletons out of the closet, you are probably not playing the game. Everyone has their secrets, and no game will force them to tell you.  

I try to tell the truth all of the time. My life is an open book. If you want to know something, ask. My wife does not always like this part of my personality. She has to be certain to remind me, “This is not for public knowledge.”

I seem to have a reputation for being honest. I remember a time when I saw a young woman I know walking out of a building with her husband. She spotted me and told her husband to wait just a moment. She came all the way across the room and asked me what I thought of her hair. I told her my opinion and then asked why she walked away from her husband just to ask me that question. Her response was that I was the only one she knew that would really tell her the truth. I thought this was a sad commentary on the people around us.

What ever happened to honesty?

All I see on social media is lies told in memes, “news stories”, and in people’s comments. It seems that people do not want the truth. They only want to believe their point of view regardless of facts. They believe all sorts of incorrect reporting but disregard the truth if it goes against what they want to believe.

Most people claiming to be open-minded are extremely close-minded unless you agree with them. No one likes to be wrong, but sometimes we are. When truth comes out against our point of view, should we not change our point of view? This depends on the source of the “truth.” Some of our sacred “credible” sources are just biased. Adding opinions and interpretations to facts can distort the truth.

People say,” do not believe everything you read (or hear).” Jokes are sarcastically told like “it was on the internet, it must be true.” Yet, people still believe every picture with added words that someone made up on the internet and every article written that coincides with their belief system.

We need to check our sources. We need to seek truth. We need to be more open-minded to the confirmed facts. Differing opinions are not always wrong. Practice telling the truth, but do so in a loving way.

I say all this, but the truth remains, “this is America (or whatever country in which you are living). You have the right to be wrong.”

TANTRUM IN A HUGE PUMPKIN

I had the pleasure of watching my 21-month-old granddaughter for four and a half days. What a great week it turned out to be. Her G-Pop and Gigi kept G-Baby busy most of the time. We took trips to the store, to restaurants, to playgrounds and to Storyland in New Orleans City Park.

She is quite an independent girl with no fear and an adventuresome spirit. She is a tough little girl. As we went through Storyland, she was mesmerized by the fountains. She loves water. She enjoyed the big dragon slide that she and her G-Pop slide down. As we stood in the mouth of Pinocchio’s whale, she gave me a high five ad a big smile.

Even though the older boy in front of her screamed in terror at the sight of the Big Bad Wolf, G-Baby scoffed knowing there was nothing to fear.  She was enjoying walking around the inside of Cinderella’s pumpkin carriage when she had a short temper tantrum because she did not want to get out and move on to the next nursery rhyme scene. When she realized we were not concerned about her tantrum she stopped and got out. If you are going to throw a tantrum, you may as well do it in a huge pumpkin. It adds a little flair, but it is only good if someone pays attention.

Unfortunately, we often do the same thing as adults. We do not get our way and decide to throw a tantrum. We may not lay on our backs and fake cry, but we have different ways of handling things. We may refuse to change even to our detriment, causing us to fall behind. We may even go with the flow outwardly but hold bitterness inside. Throwing a pity party seems like a good idea until you realize no one cares about your pity. Not getting our way is never easy, but sometimes it really is for the best.

One of the things that G-Pop and G-Baby enjoyed doing together was just taking a walk around the block. She would hold my hand as we walked. Where I went, she went. Occasionally, she would release my hand and venture out. That bright yellow car was very pretty and she would check it out with or without G-Pop. G-Pop just let her go but watched her carefully and from nearby to make sure she was safe

She would eventually grab my hand again. Soon afterward, a five to ten pound puppy came up and jumped on her wanting to lick her pretty, little face.  She did not let go of my hand, and she was happy to see and pet the puppy. It distracted her from our walk, but only for a moment, and we began to finish our short journey.

I suddenly thought that this is what it must be like for God. He wants to walk with us. He wants to hold our hand. Sometimes we let go and do our own thing and wonder why we got into trouble. Other times we stay close to him, but we allow things that come upon us to take our eyes off where we are going.

God does not force us to go his way. He does not make us hold his hand. He lets us choose our direction. Just as G-Pop did for G-Baby, his hand is always there to grab. God never leaves our side. He just watches us with love waiting patiently for us to continue together.

DETAILS MATTER

During a recent annual health screening, the nurse at all four stations asked me my name and date of birth for identification purposes. While it did not bother me, I quietly wondered if this detail was necessary since I only walked about ten feet from the previous location. Did they think my answer would change?

I went to the hospital for a complete physical and the same thing happened. Answering the same questions repeatedly can be annoying, but it also has its purpose.

Today I heard a story on the radio about a man having surgery to remove a kidney. The problem is they removed it from the wrong man. They hospital failed to follow protocol. They asked for the name of the patient but not the date of birth. The two patients shared the same name but were several years apart in age.

I suppose the man missing his healthy kidney removed would have preferred to answer one more repetitive question.

I see people take shortcuts or avoid certain details in their jobs. They do not understand the reason for some of the details. They would prefer to finish the task quicker hoping to accomplish more, but at what cost?

Even in writing and texting, people leave out important details that can change the meaning of the whole statement. “Do not forget to eat young children” is much scarier than “Do not forget to eat, young children.” One is a crime, and the other could be a healthy reminder.

Details can save lives or make things last longer. Routinely changing oil in your car and ensuring proper inflation of tires can extend the life of the vehicle. Taking 2 seconds to put on your seatbelt can save your life.

I have seen job details removed from procedures because no one knew or understood their purpose only to find out by some problem showing up years later.  Some of these problems required those details to be reinstated but would also mean that years of neglect made for redoing jobs that had been completed in the past. This cost workhours and a lot of money.

Even in our personal lives, details can make a difference. Details such as saying thank you, listening, or opening a door for someone can make someone feel appreciated and change the outlook of their day.

Paying attention to details may not sound glorious, but it can make a significant difference in the outcome.

HOPE DEFERRED MAKES THE HEART SICK

Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Hope is a wonderful thing. We hope for the best. We hope for a brighter tomorrow. We hope to feel better. There are many things for which to have hope. However, sometimes the things we hope for do not come when we would like them.

Friday morning, my son went to have a procedure performed that hopefully would relieve his pain. He came out of that appointment frustrated and disappointed. It turns out this was not the procedure but a consultation about having the procedure. Hope was not lost but delayed. A little over an hour later he received a call saying they could do the procedure that afternoon.

Just because things do not go as you want them does not mean they are not going to happen.

This happened with a job I applied for years ago. I interviewed for four separate openings for the same position with the same supervisor. Each opening was only several months apart from each other. Each time, they told me they gave the job to someone else because of some political connection. I was already performing the job as a contractor under this supervisor’s oversight. Each time I saw an unqualified person hired; it caused a sick feeling in my heart. I had a choice. Continue to have hope or give up and seek another opportunity.

I chose to continue to keep a positive attitude. I chose to continue to do my job in the best way positive. I chose to keep the hope alive.

When another interview for the same position and the same supervisor presented itself, the results were a little surprising. The “higher-ups” wanted them to hire someone with more connections again. This was not the surprising part. The supervisor told me because I kept up my work and specifically my attitude, he would fight to get me on and not hire anyone else until they let him. The process took a few months, but he and I both prevailed.

There are many times in my life when I saw hopes and dreams deferred. Sometimes my actions caused the postponement of the things for which I hoped.  Sometimes the reasons were out of my control. I can learn from my past mistakes. I can learn not to let things outside of my control define how I respond. Disappointments will arise, but my hope will continue.

Do not let disappointment steal your hope.  

 

   

   

Road Construction

On September 4, 2015, there was a traffic advisory issued by Sewerage and Water Board stating that a one block stretch of road would be closed due to construction. “The expected construction duration is approximately three months.”

This would force me to change my route home from work daily, but this would be tolerable since it was only to be three months long.

Now it is thirteen months, and that one block is still closed.  I assumed the road would reopen once the trucks, equipment, and workers were gone. How wrong could I have been?

I understand the word “approximately” means there is some flexibility that we could expect, but at what point does it mean we will open it when we feel like it.

I know that there is construction and detours everywhere that cause frustration. I am not alone in hating these “temporary” inconveniences.

Construction should be to improve things. Better roads, better buildings, and maybe a better future could result from construction. That is, if it is ever completed.

Just like roads, we are all under construction. We are not the same person we were when we were born. Through the course of our life, we face many changes that could make us better. Some improvements can happen overnight, but some seem to take years.

My desire is to be as close to perfect as I can be when I die, but that will take a lot more “construction” than just a few months’ worth of work. I also recognize that no one else is perfect at this point either. What does this mean to me? It means I need to practice patience with other people. I also hope that others will be patient with me.

Construction is unavoidable. I cannot wait to see our completed future. I will try to be patient, and possibly enjoy, the process of the construction in our lives. 

Eat, Drink and Be Merry

I had a great weekend. I had the opportunity to babysit my nineteen-month-old granddaughter. This was not a chore. It was not work. It was a pure delight. That does not mean it was easy, but things worth having seldom are.

She arrived at my house Friday night, but my son and daughter-in-law put the sleeping princess to bed immediately without my seeing her. (This was to ensure she did not see us, which could result with a tired child staying up much longer than she could handle.)

Then Saturday morning arrived. Over the course of her short life, I have been trying to get her to call me “G-Pop” without much success. I heard her say it one time a month ago, but it seemed to have no connection to me. This time when seeing me, she called out to my delight, “G-POP.”

She did not merely call me by that moniker one-time but all throughout her stay.

We live in a time where things seem to be crazy with an election with seemingly no-good choices, racial tensions high, and people getting news from incredibly unreliable sources.  

The public seems on edge. Countless people get offended so easily. Many are worried about things they cannot control. We concern ourselves with the hustle and bustle of life and the rat race in which we live daily.

We need to refocus our attention to things that matter. Enjoy our loved ones. Reconnect with people. Do something we enjoy doing. The troubles of this life will be there when we are dead and gone so we should take time to stop and smell the roses. Take some time and experience peace and joy. Find joy in the work you do. Remember to play. Look for the good in things.

Eat, drink and be merry.

DISTRACTED

The other day I was thinking about some of the dumb things that my wife caught me doing. Once, I was playing a game in my mind while watching television but didn’t realize it became physically obvious to those around me. I had my feet propped up on my ottoman and for some reason was lining up my toes and fingers with what was happening on the screen. Yes, I know it is stupid, but it was something that happened all of a sudden. It wasn’t planned. The only reason my wife realized something was going on is because she saw me opening and closing one eye. Nothing else had moved on my body. When she asked me what I was doing, I could only say, “nothing.” How do you explain the stupid games that happen in one’s own mind?

There was another time many years ago that we visited my dad and drove by the beach on the way home. We went through the parking lot and at one point there is a stop sign that faces the beach. When I came to a stop, there was a woman directly in front of me that removed her shirt and wore on a tiny bikini. Then she turned the other way removing her shorts to show her thong. I froze. My mind went blank. I forgot to proceed from the stop sign. The brain-fart only lasted a few seconds, but the result was a long quiet drive home. WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

Needless to say, distractions come in all shapes and sizes. Some may be harmless, some are not.

Some may not have any consequences.  Some may be severe.

We live in a world where distractions are everywhere. We may be at a family meal when a text message comes across our phone. Rather than talk to those around us, we may engage in a conversation with someone miles away. We then wonder why families aren’t communicating as well anymore.

How many times have you seen a person driving 10 – 20 miles under the speed limit swerving in the fast lane only to pass them to see them texting on talking on the phone? Have you ever been in a meeting when something happens that takes your mind off of the topic being discussed? Even being in a conversation with someone, there are times we are not focused on what the person is saying but rather on what we will say next.

I am as guilty as anyone if not more so. Like everyone else, my mind wanders. It may go to different places than most people’s do or maybe not. I don’t know what goes on in your mind.

We need to learn to focus. There are times distractions are necessary, but I am speaking of times they become more as a detriment. We should concern ourselves more with the task that matters. Put aside distractions of trying to gain wealth rather than help those around you. We all have a path we should take in this life, a purpose. Follow your purpose.

Don’t let outside distractions hold you back. Some distractions may include people saying you aren’t good enough. Some things hinder your personal growth. Some are people that just don’t understand you. Don’t let distractions stop you or define you. Be the best you that you can be. 

Religion? No Thanks.

Several years ago, I attended a local concert with a coworker and several of his friends. I was having a conversation with a friend of his that was drinking quite a bit. During our conversation, he told me that my coworker had informed him that I was a minister but not to worry because I was cool. I thought on this quite a bit since that time.

What made me an exception to the rule of being a minister that he did not have to worry? What made me acceptable as being cool? I even asked my coworker about it. The conclusions I have reached may not be completely accurate, but I would like to think I am close.

The statement did not bother me. In fact, I took honor in it. To some degree, this meant that both the church community and the non-churched (for lack of a better term) community accepted me.

Today, people do not like stereotypes. However, as humans, we still have a hard time not categorizing others in a stereotype. Ministers and other “churchgoers” are in a stereotype of being religious. Religious according to Webster’s dictionary is “believing in a god or a group of gods and following the rules of a religion.” I think that is part of the problem. Religious people follow rules. Different religions have different rules. This causes people to judge others based of their particular set of rules.

People do not enjoy others telling them they are wrong. People do not like others judging them. 

What most people want is to be accepted.

If you look at life of Paul in the New Testament, he was very religious. He followed the Jewish religion to the letter. He had such a zeal for it that he imprisoned and killed many who did not believe as he did. He did not understand that loving God and being religious were two separate things.

I look at the how religion has physically killed millions of people. Islamic Jihads killed millions over twelve centuries. The Aztecs had human sacrifices killing nearly 20, 000 people a year. Nero, emperor of Rome in 64AD persecuted and killed Christians for about a hundred years. The list of religious atrocities goes on: the witch-hunts, the Inquisition, the Mountain Meadows Massacre, and India’s Thuggee Murders.

Since this is what is on my mind, you must understand that I am a Christian, and my thoughts reflect my beliefs in the life and teachings of Jesus.

Religion is dangerous. Jesus came to love. He came not to condemn people. He came to save them from sin. He did not come to initiate a new religion. He came to set people free. The people that gave him the most trouble were the religious people. They gave him so much trouble that they beat him and hung him on a cross until he died.

Today, many people grew up with certain religious viewpoints. To some degree, whether those viewpoints are valid or not, it is how they continue to live and by which they judge others. You accept people by how you think they should be according to your rules.

Let us be rule-breakers. I do not mean breaking the law or following after some sin. Jesus talked to people that others thought he should not. He taught love in his words and by example. He preached acceptance, not of the wrong people did, but of the people themselves.

Do I have faith? The answer is yes. Do I love, honor and obey Jesus? I most definitely do. Do I follow a set of rules that man has made up to please a God that has given me freedom and liberty? I hope that answer is no. I am not perfect. I try to love and accept without judging. Many times, I succeed. I hope to succeed more in the future.

Is religion for me? I absolutely say no. 

Leaving The Past Behind

Today is my dad’s 90^th birthday. We celebrated his life yesterday with a party of many friends and family in attendance. There was a slideshow running on the television sets that showed many old pictures.  I saw reminders of some good times as well as some bad hair days and some horrible wardrobe choices.  

This past week I have been thinking a lot about the past; the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes we get stuck in the past and forget to look upon today.

There is nothing wrong with remembering the past. I remember watching Married with Children and hearing Al Bundy talk about his glorious moment of scoring four touchdowns in a single high school football game. There is a big difference in remembering the past and living in the past. Al Bundy didn’t care for his present so instead of looking to improve his position in life and perhaps his future, he chose to dwell on past glories.

When we get married, many make the vow for better or for worse. That works right until the point things are no longer better and people decide their vows were just words with no meanings. We do not have to settle for the way things are but it takes work, desire, and a decision to make things better.

This post is not about marriage and divorce. This is about anyone’s past.

Many of us remember the good that we have done. Maybe we helped someone, gave a donation to a cause, or encouraged someone to do the right thing. Whatever the good is that we have done is not all there is.

In professional sports there is a saying, “what have you done for me lately.” It is great that we have good point in our past. However, they are in the past. There is a world of people that still need help. Remembering people with needs or praying for them is good, but there is so much more that we can do. We can do those things but we also must feed the hungry, give drink t the thirsty, invite those who have no place to stay and be hospitable to those who are not like us. We can donate clothes to those who have nothing. Some people just want someone to talk to or a visit from someone, even from someone that they do not know. I applaud the good that has been done. What are we going to do today?

 There is also a matter of those who have made poor choices. I know I have.  I also know that if I went back, I would be the same person and probably make the same choices again. It is not that I would want to make those choices. I just know how I am. I choose not to live with regrets. Those choices have led me to be the person I am today. That doesn’t mean things could not have been better. Those choices, however, allowed me to make friends with people that I never would have met.  They have allowed me to live where I live. They have allowed me to gain skills that were previously unknown. Regrets hold us back. Look at where you are and be thankful that things are not as bad as they could have been. Be thankful for what you have. Accept the things that have happened and learn from them. Realize you have survived some bad choices. Move on to a brighter tomorrow by leaving the past behind.

People sometimes provide scars or have changed your past. Some may have been on purpose while others a matter of circumstance. We need to get past the scars and the hurts. Bitterness and hatred affect us not just emotionally but also physically. If we give up the right to hate or to be mad and choose to love and forgive, we would be much happier. The choice to do this is not always easy. I have people who have hurt me. Not living with anger makes my life much more enjoyable. I am at peace because of this choice. It doesn’t mean I should accept my position in life. It means the past is not a place worth dwelling and I choose to move forward.

I will make wrong choices. I will also make right ones. Whatever will happen will happen. I may remember the past, but I will not live there. The future is too bright. 

Lessons Learned From Traffic

No one likes to be in traffic, but that is exactly where I found myself the other day. Instead of taking only forty minutes to drive home, it took over an hour. I am not a patient person and acknowledge it as one of my flaws.  However, as I watched how the drivers were operating their vehicles, it made me think about a few observations from which we may be able to learn.

Some observations made me think about how people live their lives. Those observations include the following:

A few people were cutting through parking lots to get in front of those waiting in line. There are people in this world, who do not care about following rules. They do not care about anyone else in the moment but rather only concern themselves with themselves. How much better would the world be if we chose to honor one another above ourselves?

Some people never use turn signals. This doesn’t bother me as much as it does some because over the course of my life, I have seen people using them only to have others speed up so the driver cannot change lanes. Sometimes not signaling is a sign that they do not know where they are going until it is too late. I wish everyone had direction in his or her life. Not knowing your purpose in life can be frustrating. It can make a person jump from cause to cause just trying to feel important. Everyone is important. We all have different functions in life. We will never all agree on everything. Nevertheless, one direction that we should follow is to love everyone.

One thing that particularly aggravates me is tailgaters. Getting close to my vehicle where I cannot see the bumper of your car in my review mirror will not help anyone get anywhere faster. If I am going slower than you do, get in the passing lane and pass me. Most of the time, getting in front of me only allows you to get behind the car in front of me. There are many impatient people in this world. Normally we are impatient because people do not do things as we think they should. In many of my jobs, I have learned that many times there is no one correct way of doing something. (I know some things do but not all.) Having the “I am always right” attitude only causes stress. It is arrogant to think we are better than others are. We should accept one another in love with all humility, gentleness, and patience even if that means not getting our way.

Defensive drivers are much safer. They always watch to see dangers before they arrive. Some people live life seeing what may come and preparing for it. Others fear what the future may hold and never take chances. Without taking risks, we are stuck in routines that never help us to excel. Mark Zuckerberg once said, “The biggest risk is not taking any risk... In a world that is changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.” Do not be afraid of what tomorrow may bring. Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own. I am not saying you will succeed every time, but failure is only after you stop trying. Every time you do not succeed. Learn from it.

I could add to the list.

·   Stingy drivers (only lets one person in front of him for the entire trip regardless of how many intersections -showed enough kindness for one day),

·   The slow driver in fast lane (slowing progress of people going somewhere), and

·    In addition, the courteous drivers (helps others in need and puts other people first.)

In our daily lives, let us remember the people around us. Do not consider yourself the most important thing in this world. When we are gone, life will continue without us. Make a difference. Invest in someone’s life. Learn from the things and the people around you. Most of all, love everyone.