Hurting People Hurt People

Maybe I am alone in this, but I doubt it. If I have a bad day or even if I am just tired, I tend to snap at others that do not deserve it. Unfortunately, my wife has dealt with this far too many times. I do not want to act this way. It is something on which I have to improve.

No, nothing happened recently that is making me write this blog. No, I do not need to apologize for any recent event. Although, if I do and do not realize it, please forgive me.

When I first got married, I had a very short temper.  Small things would set me off. I would not get violent or hurt anyone physically. I did not insult anyone or call them names. I simply yelled. My outburst would be loud. Once I yelled, in my mind, it was over. I could scream one minute, and suddenly it was over, at least in my mind. I do not like things to drag out over time.

I hope that I have improved throughout my marriage. I hope that in my outbursts, no one was harmed emotionally or mentally. However, I am sure feelings were hurt if nothing else.

I am one to apologize reasonably quickly. I tend to think and overthink about how I should have responded. Yet, when something happens, and my mood is not so cheery, I can respond in the same way again. Why do I react in ways that I would rather not? I wish I knew.

We should leave all of our problems behind us when we are with others. Do not take them out on others. It is not their fault we had a bad day. Many times, our responses to others are based on what others have done to us or what we have done to ourselves. We may have been emotionally injured, but the healing does not come from hurting others.

We are not much different than an injured cat. That cute little fur ball may be the sweetest thing. It may love to play. It may entertain you.  It may even let you pet it on a good day. Yet, when a cat is injured, it can become aggressive. It may bite or scratch the ones that love it and take care of it. The problem with this response is the ones who can help mend it are hindered from helping at all.

In I Chronicles 19:1-5, King David’s men were humiliated at the hands of King Hanun because he thought they were spies seeking to overthrow the country. David recognized the hurt these men were facing and had them stay in Jericho until their shame had settled.

I wondered why he did not have them just go home to those who loved them. I think part of this was because they may respond to those out of their emotional injuries. An incorrect response after being injured could result in a loved one being hurt. This time away would give them time to reflect on why they were treated as they were. It would give them time to forgive the one who hurt them.

Hurting people can quickly and without purpose injure others. What can we do? When we are injured, take a timeout. Think about what happened and the reason behind it. Make sure to take the time required to heal. Forgive the one who hurt you and move on. Treat everyone around you with love and respect. 

Missing Them

Nearly twenty and a half years ago, my mom passed away. After so much time has passed, you would think it would get easier. However, at 4:30 in the morning while driving to work, I began to weep with thoughts of how much I missed her still. It was an unexpected moment. Why now? I do not know. 

Most people believe their mom is the best. I am no exception. She is obviously a major part of why I am who I am today. My children never really got to know their grandma. She died when my youngest was just three years old. I believe they have missed something as a result. 

This past Christmas, I lost my dad and stepmom less than a month apart from each other. If you know me, you know a lot about my dad. My wife would see my dad and tell me she could see my future. Later she would tell me I have already become him. I may not be as great as my dad, but even now as my eyes began to water, I hope to at least let my grandkids see him through me. 

All four of my grandparents died. Three while I was an adult. I barely knew my dad's father. The three I knew well, had major influences in my life. I remember watching Lawrence Welk and soap operas, taking walks on the levees, eating breakfast at McDonald's. Each one holds different memories. Each one has a spot in my heart and mind that I hope never fades away. 

A friend's mom passed away recently and asked if the pain ever goes away. Maybe to some degree, but I do not think it does. There is always a part of those we lost inside of us. A hole that cannot be filled. We learn to live through it. Some memories may fade. We may focus on new things, but that spot is always reserved for our loved ones. 

Life is short. While we should not live in the past, the past obviously has an influence on us. It shapes our thoughts, personalities, and behaviors. We learn from the people in our lives whether we realize it or not. 

I believe that my heavenly Father created me. I want his characteristics and personality to be a major influence in my life. I want to love how he loves. I want to show mercy and grace the way he does. I want to be there for the hurting people. I do not want to treat people who disagree with me any differently than those I love the most. I want to be kind. I want to forgive. These things are not always easy to do.

I hope the world sees God when they look at me. I also hope they do not see my flaws as part of who he is. I get those all by myself. I want to be like him even more than my loved ones from the past have become a part of me. 

I will never forget those that have gone before me. I pray I do not forget about those that are with me now.